The How-To Guide for Choosing a Gender: DIY!

“How to become a real man, a real woman, the real you, or something else entirely.” (Bornstein, cover page)

This fabulously ironic subtitle on Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook is suggestive of a naïve societal notion.  The notion that: if one does not conform to society’s expectations of their gender role, then they are not a “real” male/female.  Bornstein presents this assumption, alluding to the fact that her workbook is going to help people fit the “norm,” when in reality it completely goes against this norm.

In the case of Tyler from Mootoo’s Cereus Blooms at Night, Bornstein’s Workbook acts as a lens to see more deeply into his situation.  According to the synopsis found on the back of Mootoo’s novel, Tyler is a “vivacious male nurse.”  Bornstein would say that the assumption of his gender is an unfair one.  The synopsis is often one of the first things that a reader reads to get a sense of the plot and content of a novel.  In this case, the reader is told that Tyler is a male, perhaps before they even start reading the book, eliminating the ability for said reader to form their own gender for Tyler.

“I held up the dress and slowly stepped in to it, savouring every action, noting every feeling,” (Mootoo, 77).

 Perhaps (s)he could be a vivacious male who likes to dress in women’s clothing from time to time, or, Tyler could be a woman who does not usually wear dresses.  But, because of the synopsis, we automatically assume that Tyler is gay, feminine, flamboyant, and maybe transgender.  Bornstein would say that all of these assumptions are wrong.  It shouldn’t matter that Tyler is supposedly a male, because what decides that?  The fact that he has a penis?  The gender binary that exists and has existed forever, is a very limiting one and an outdated one at that.  As a society, we are collectively getting better about prejudices and preconceived assumptions about others, but one issue remains: we still notice.  We have been trained, since birth, to think:

                                                                                             penis=boy=strong/athletic/masculine=likes girls, and                                                                         vulva=girl=emotional/caring/feminine=likes boys

So, when a person with “male” anatomy puts on a feminine article of clothing, we notice that something is different.  Even if we are completely accepting of these “differences,” the fact that we acknowledge the difference shows that it still matters.

So, to draw back on Bornstein’s subtitle, is Tyler trying to become a real man, a real woman, or something else? And why should he have to choose?