The Complexities of Gender Failure

“At first I felt horribly silly, like a man who had put on women’s clothing for sheer sport and had forgotten to remove the outfit after the allotted period of fun. I felt flat-footed and clumsy. Not a man and not ever able to be a woman, suspended nameless in the limbo state between existence and nonexistence” (Mootoo 77).

At this point in the novel, Cereus Blooms at Night, Tyler tries on a nurse’s dress that Mala stole for him. Unable to explicitly articulate their gender identity, Tyler reflects on how wearing the dress makes them feel. In describing these feelings, Tyler states that they feel “silly,” “flat-footed,” “clumsy” and “suspended” while wearing the dress, suggesting a sense of discomfort and uneasiness. Combined with the phrase, “not a man and not ever able to be a woman,” it becomes apparent that the perceived femininity of the dress makes Tyler feel as though their gender does not properly align with the gender binary of man/woman. According to the societal “rules” of gender, Tyler’s thin, flat-chested body seems to not fill the dress in the “proper” ways. Due to this discordance between biological anatomy and gender perception, Tyler feels that they cannot wear the dress in accordance with prescribed concepts of feminine womanhood.

In the introduction to The Queer Art o Failure, Judith Halberstam outlines how failure can be interpreted as a positive aspect of queer life as it “allows us to escape the punishing norms that discipline behavior and manage human development…” (3). Within the passage of Cereus Blooms at Night, Tyler’s language of discomfort and nonexistence suggest that they have “failed” at navigating the “rules” of gender, and particularly femininity. Interestingly, Halberstam notes that “Where feminine success is always measured by male standards, and gender failure often means being relieve of the pressure to measure up to patriarchal ideals, not succeeding at womanhood can offer unexpected pleasures” (4). Although this idea may resonate with cisgender women, it does not seem to align with Tyler’s experiences. When Tyler fails at measuring up to feminine success, they do not feel pleasure or relief. Through Tyler’s experiences, it is evident that although gender failure may be liberating alternative for some, transgender or nonbinary people often have to live gender failure, creating a feeling of discomfort and isolation in a society that delegitimizes their existence.

One thought on “The Complexities of Gender Failure”

  1. Ahh love this perspective! Halberstam frames the idea of “failing” as positive because it means a release from a certain kind of belonging, it allows the individual to pursue a life more rooted in what the individual wants. But what if what that individual wants is to belong, is to relate to others through an identity? And what if that identity, as you point out in this post, does not have a space in society? Tyler isn’t rejecting one gender for another (although they would have encountered another set of challenges if they had!) but is instead stepping outside the binary altogether, and this in-between space is difficult to articulate and to build community around.

    As someone who has really found this comfort that Halberstam talks about in “failing” in a patriarchal society, I just think this perspective is so important to voice. As a queer person I continue to find pleasure in failing more and more to appease the institutions that I reject, and I can only think of how much more challenging things would be if I had to keep fighting the fight without that positive reward loop. Thanks for bringing this up, love&light to those like Tyler who find themselves in limbo.

Comments are closed.