Important Artifacts of (What I consider) a Fuctional Relationship

I am taking a page out of Shapton’s book (not literally!) and documenting my relationship through objects. But unlike Lenore and Harold’s, my relationship is not caustic. Therefore I have consciously not assigned prices to these objects because they are currently invaluable to me, and one doesn’t even exist anymore. Hopefully this won’t destroy my boyfriend’s street cred.

These were the cups of frozen yogurt we talked over the night before I left to come up and start my senior year at Dickinson. This frozen yogurt place has since become a favorite date option when I am back at home.

This was a package I received from my boyfriend during the first week of classes. It was a doodled-on Chinese food box with 30 hershey kisses inside. I ate one a day for a month. To be explained with following image.
 This is the note that accompanied the hershey kisses, explaining that there were 30 kisses in the box so he could give me a kiss every day until he came up to visit me at Dickinson in a month.
This bear was a present from my boyfriend when I popped home for a weekend spontaneously before SPX. The bear has been named waffles due to our affinity toward breakfast food. He is subject to a lot of cuddling, aka strangling, as I try to fall asleep.
I made this lasagna from a recipe written in Italian, given to me by my host family from Bologna. I made it for dinner the first time my boyfriend came up to visit me. It received rave reviews.






Experiment #6: Stapler

Johnny carefully filed away the papers into one single stack, measuring each up and placing them underneath the stapler. The simple machine’s buck teeth bit down hard onto the papers and released a single staple, bringing the items together in one neat pile. The handle was well-worn from use, befitting Johnny’s job as a file clerk and storage manager. Everything kept neatly together, everything in their own individual pile. Johnny carefully cleaned his teeth with his finger before opening up the stapler, making sure that it hadn’t run out, so that it could keep working. The slide holding the staples in place slid back and forth as he opened up the top and closed it repeatedly. He closed the stapler, happy that it was sufficiently loaded with staples, and placed another stack of papers between its metallic teeth, preparing to slam down his hand on top of it and release another staple to bind the papers together.

Finders, Keepers

A collection of lost and/or forgotten objects that I’ve found and appropriated as my own. If you are the original owner of an item pictured here, ask very nicely and maybe I’ll give it back.

A green kickball: I found this in the bushes in the Lower Quads my sophomore year, marked with initials MES. I hung a single poster in the HUB depicting the word “FOUND”, my contact information, and a green circle with the letters MES inside. After a week or two had passed and nobody claimed the ball, I added the letters SY to obscure the original ownership.


A ceramic lamp: This lamp was left in attic of the Russian House when I moved in there my sophomore year. I used it for that entire year, and put it back in the attic before I left to study abroad in Moscow. Upon returning to Dickinson for the spring of my junior year, the lamp was still in the Russian House attic, so I took it to the Feminist Collective where I live now. One day I was feeling turbulent, so I wrote “turbulence” all over it in Sharpie. My lei see from the year of the Rabbit (2011) is clothespinned to the lampshade.


A knit GAP hat: Left at the Feminist Collective house earlier this semester after a party. I have a feeling it belongs to my roommate’s girlfriend who was visiting campus that weekend. I have been wearing it for the past few weeks, but will give it to him to return to her when he goes to see her over Thanksgiving break.


An “Our Dickinson” mason jar mug: At the Caf spring feast of 2012, these mugs were take-away prizes placed on the tables in the Caf. I rightfully obtained one, but later lost it and was very bummed out! The next weekend I went to a party in a really disgustingly dirty suite, where they had dozens upon dozens of dirty dishes lying around. This mug was among them, and I figured no one would notice if I just took it. It has since become my favorite mug, and I can often be spotted carrying it around.


A pair of animal print Victoria’s Secret panties: These must’ve been left behind in one of the HUB laundry machines, cause they ended up in my clean laundry. Luckily, they are cute and my size.


A small bottle of Juicy Couture perfume: Left behind by a customer at Tres Amigos, the Mexican restaurant that I worked at in Austin.


A Poketo pocket umbrella: This had been lying around the Feminist Collective house for a while. When my  umbrella broke earlier this semester, I started using it.


An elastic grip headband: Found on the floor of the Kline Center during my junior year.


A deck of hot pink Bicycle playing cards: I can’t remember where I found these, but I’ve had them since my freshman year.


A twisted silver rose ring: Left at Landis House, where I work on campus, for weeks. My manager told me I could just take it.


A pair of black matte Rayban sunglasses: Left behind by a customer at Scarpetta, the Italian restaurant I worked at this summer in New York City.


A tube of Aveda Nourish-Mint lipgloss: Left behind by a customer at Scarpetta, the Italian restaurant I worked at this summer in New York City.


A maroon cashmere Uniglo sweater, men’s size medium: I inexplicably found this in my bed in my Atwater dormroom freshman year. Perhaps my roommate had a guest over? It is slightly moth-eaten in some places.