Love is Obedience

“‘Go and make some tea, darling, will you,’ he said and off she went.  

‘Do you have to pay her to be so obedient or is it love?’” (169)

“I’ve always had a wild streak, it starts with a throbbing in the temple and then a slide into craziness I can recognise but can’t control. Can control. Had controlled for years until I met Louise.” (174)

`The narrator of Written on the Body makes several snide comments about Elgin’s “hot date” when they show up announced at Elgin’s home in search of Louise. Even though the narrator was not expecting Louise to be with Elgin, they were hoping that Elgin would tell them Louise’s whereabouts. They were hoping that, even after Elgin and Louise’s separation, Elgin would still be obedient to Louise. He would tell the narrator where she is because he loves her, and therefore he follows her, putting his self-interests behind her interests. (And we all know that Louise was interested in the narrator.)

But Elgin was not obedient to Louise, and he did not tell the narrator where Louise is because he does not know. Louise ran from him, he was following her but she ran, and she hid. Love is obedience. But you cannot be obedient if there is no one to obey. 

The narrator snarls at Elgin: ‘Do you have to pay her to be so obedient or is it love?’ I think the narrator’s thick, frosty layer of sarcasm is hiding their envy. They have never loved so purely, they have never been obedient. The narrator has abandoned all of their previous partners. They confess to the reader that they have “always had a wild streak” that “starts with a throbbing in the temple and then a slide into craziness [they] can recognise but can’t control. Can control. Had controlled for years until [they] met Louise.” After Elgin refuses to tell the narrator where Louise is, the narrator punches him, letting this wild streak of theirs run red––the punch is a flash of passion and rebellion, like the narrator’s relationship with Louise. The narrator controlled their wild streak “for years until [they] met Louise,” implying that loving or being infatuated with Louise was a loss of their control. 

Love is obedience. If the narrator loved Louise, they would obey her wish to remain hidden. If Louise loved the narrator, or Elgin for that matter, she would not have run from either of them. She would have let them follow her, and she would have followed them. Love is a sacrifice, a discipline. It is the taming of wild streaks, the desire to have control of and be controlled by the lover.

Written on the Body is a very lonely book. When I finished reading it, I did not feel any satisfaction whatsoever. I think the narrator is despondent, lost, and formless. Maybe that is why they took to the page. They needed some scaffolding for their existential dread. The “queerest” thing about the narrator is not their lack of name or pronouns. It is not their collection of sexual and romantic partners of all genders and sexualities. The queer thing about the narrator is that they are not even obedient to themself. They cannot commit to anything or anyone because they have not learned self-love.