“We ain’t getting no younger, we might as well do it” – Jagged Edge

https://youtu.be/A9jZOoMaK5U?si=Mi6opSa55IMCRoV5

For this week’s blog post, I want to connect the YouTube video “Why I’m Not Married” by Gloom (Kassie) with Eve Sedgwick’s essay Christmas Effects from Queer and Now. In the video, Kassie addresses a recurring question she gets from friends, family, and followers: “Why aren’t you married, even though you got engaged five years ago?” The video opens with Kassie describing herself as someone with a “very defiant personality.” Since childhood, she explains, she needed to understand exactly why she had to do something and if she didn’t get a clear or compelling reason, her answer was simply no (2025). She follows this statement with an anecdote from elementary school. During a birthday celebration, her teacher asked each student to wish a classmate happy birthday. When it was Kassie’s turn, she refused. Even after being told to say it, she refused, which eventually led to the teacher calling Kassie’s parents to report her behavior. This anecdote might seem trivial, or like Kassie was just being a jerk, but it actually echoes the ideas Sedgwick covers in Christmas Effects. Sedgwick writes that certain times of year like Christmas can feel depressing because “all the institutions are speaking with one voice” (1993). Everything around us during that time of year seems to expect the same emotional response or behavior, and any resistance can feel isolating. Sedgwick uses Christmas as a metaphor, but the effect extends to other social institutions as well such as marriage. Similar to Christmas, marriage often carries expectations of conformity. It’s not just a romantic or legal union but a combination of a “normal” family unit: a shared surname, an economic unit, a legal unit, a system of companionship and a mechanism to care for children (1993). Kassie’s resistance to marriage, then, feels like a continuation of the same impulse that made her resist saying “Happy Birthday” as a child. It’s not that she opposes celebration, it’s the feeling of being pressured to participate in something simply because it’s expected. Kassie ends the video by revealing that her relationship feels good in its current form. The societal pressure to marry makes her question whether she ever truly wanted it in the first place. Similar to Sedgwick’s analysis of Christmas, Kassie’s story is a reflection on how societal expectations can blur the line between genuine desire and social obligation. Her answer to “Why aren’t you married?” is ultimately simple: she’s still figuring out if it’s something she wants, not just committing to something she’s supposed to do. She’s in no rush to throw a party where she’s the “last to arrive and the first to leave” even though the wedding is designed to be for her (2025).