Jeanette Winterson’s Written on the Body explores themes of love, loss, and the complexities of emotional commitment through its unnamed narrator, who navigates a series of passionate yet fleeting relationships. One of the most revealing lines in the novel, “I’ve been through a lot of marriages. Not down the aisle but always up the stairs.”, encapsulates the narrator’s struggle with intimacy and their pattern of engaging in love affairs that mimic commitment but ultimately lack permanence. The contrast between “down the aisle” and “up the stairs” is particularly striking, as it highlights the narrator’s tendency to experience the intensity of love without ever fully surrendering to the vulnerability and stability that marriage requires. This idea is reflected throughout the first half of the novel, where the narrator repeatedly finds themselves entangled in passionate relationships that are defined more by secrecy and physical desire than by long-term devotion.
The phrase “I’ve been through a lot of marriages” is deeply ironic. It suggests an intimate familiarity with relationships that resemble marriage, yet the narrator immediately undercuts this idea by clarifying that these experiences were never formalized or lasting. Their relationships may feel as intense as marriage in the moment, but they never lead to the kind of emotional security that marriage symbolizes. Instead, “always up the stairs” implies encounters that take place in secret—often in the context of affairs with married individuals—where physical intimacy is prioritized over emotional connection. The use of “always” reinforces a pattern rather than an isolated event, suggesting that the narrator is trapped in a cycle of passion and loss, never allowing themselves to fully commit.
This pattern is evident in the narrator’s reflections on past relationships. While they experience deep desire, they remain emotionally detached, moving from one lover to another without establishing the stability that marriage requires. Their affairs often involve married individuals, further reinforcing their avoidance of true vulnerability. By engaging in relationships that are inherently temporary, the narrator ensures that they can never be fully tied to another person. This reluctance to commit is not just about circumstance but about an internal fear of love’s permanence, which they associate more with loss than fulfillment.
Ultimately, this passage serves as a metaphor for the narrator’s entire romantic history in the first half of the novel. They desire connection but resist its long-term implications, preferring the intensity of passion over the security of commitment. Their love affairs take them close to the idea of marriage but never fully into it, reflecting their fundamental struggle with forming lasting emotional bonds.