Love bombing is one of the sneakiest forms of manipulation because it appears innocuous, especially if the person on the receiving end of the behavior is new to dating. If you haven’t been in a serious relationship before, it’s easy to mistake love bombing behaviors for the way someone should behave in a healthy, loving relationship.

I am not a relationship expert, but I have experienced love bombing before and understand how devastating the effects of a relationship like this can be. After experiencing a relationship with love bombing, I came across a YouTube video where a life coach who makes videos about unhealthy relationships described love bombing behaviors. I was relieved to finally be able to put words to what I experienced and have since been motivated to educate others about the signs of love bombing.

So what is love bombing?

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic where a partner showers you with “affection, gifts, and promises for the future” early in the relationship. It might feel like you have just met your soulmate because this partner is telling you everything you want to hear; saying that they love every part of you and that they have never met someone like you before.

Why is this a problem? Isn’t it a good thing when a partner shows how much they care about you?

Of course it is great when someone new that you’re dating gives indication that they like you and they are interested in getting to know you better. But when you have just met someone, it doesn’t make any sense for them to be telling you that they are falling in love with you, saying that you are their soulmate, and promising you that they will never break up with you. They might give you over-the-top compliments, like, “you are perfect in every way,” and “you are the best person I have ever met.” In the early stages of a relationship, your partner just doesn’t know you well enough to refer to you as the love of their life. Making these types of grandiose statements is a way for a partner to assert control.

Relationships that involve love bombing tend to move fast and can come crashing down in a similar amount of time. These relationships don’t have the “slow build” that creates a strong foundation the way healthy relationships do. This means that when conflict inevitably arises, the appropriate level of trust and communication simply isn’t there, and the relationship can’t sustain itself. Finally, intense love bombing behaviors cannot be sustained, which leads to victims of such behaviors to wonder what they did to cause the compliments and grand gestures to stop.

I now know that healthy relationships are not usually* formed by telling someone how great they are over and over. Rather, healthy relationships are formed by showing love and care in a way that respects the boundaries of all parties. They are formed gradually, and they take things one day at a time.

*Grand gestures at the beginning of a relationship do not always mean the relationship will crumble. This piece is simply designed to encourage folks to be wary of extreme behaviors as they enter new relationships.

Written by Julia Kagan ’22, WGRC student worker

October 25, 2021