When writing a column about feminism the first thing I would like to do is be clear: What do I mean by feminism? In society and the media today, feminism is rarely given a clear definition. Feminists, however, are clearly implied to be ugly, single, man-hating lesbians. No one is sure what feminism really is or does; it’s just clear you shouldn’t want to be a part of it. Though I don’t deny that there are some man-hating, lesbian feminists, the theory of the movement is focused not on Men or Women, but gender.

Gender is the performance of either masculine or feminine characteristics. I say performance, not because gender is not real, but because it is public. Gender is how you publicly identify, either as man or woman. People do this in almost every way: clothing, hair, voice, ways of moving, how one sits, etc. And being a man or woman comes with a heap of responsibilities! Men are expected to be emotionally closed, always into sex with women, and career-driven so as to provide for their eventual families. Women are expected to be over-emotional, mother-ready, and simultaneously sexually available and sexually pure. Our society is steeped in this gender binary. And in this binary, feminine traits are seen as inherently degraded or degrading while masculine traits are praised. When men act like Men they are celebrated, but when women act like Women they are belittled for the performance.

The easiest example of this double-edged sword is the virgin/whore complex. A woman should have sex, but not too much sex and not outside of monogamy (or marriage), and only with men,  etc., etc., etc. But there are other places in society where we can see the gender hierarchy at work: English curriculums, for example. I challenge anyone to look at the books they read for high school English and not find the vast majority to have been written by male authors.

So how does this binary oppress people? There is no Patriarchy Headquarters. No Ivory Tower of Male Glory (though there is the Washington Monument, but that’s another story). The patriarchy is all around us, in our TV shows and movies, our politics, our schools, our families–even in our relationships and our sense of self. It’s there every time someone says, “She needs to get laid,” “He’s a pussy,” “Don’t be a bitch,” “Look at my big strong baby boy,” “That’s my sweet little baby girl,” or “When are you going to get married?” Patriarchy is at work every time we employ gender to assume something about a person’s character. It’s there every time we assume gender at all. In fact, it’s so engrained that we can’t even refer to someone without gendered pronouns. Once your gender is defined, then many other things about yourself become restricted: what you can wear, who you can have relationships with, even your personality.

This is where feminism comes in handy. Feminism is about confronting in ourselves, and deconstructing in the world, the uses of gender. You may say then why feminism? Why not humanism? And you’re right that feminism doesn’t just deal with women but also men. In fact, feminists don’t think that gender exists. Gender only exists because we use it. There is nothing inherent or true about gender. However, the way our culture employs the concept has a tremendous impact on society today and in the past. Man has always been the gender discussed. So much so that man literally means all humans. Men have had their stories told in film, television, history, and politics to the exclusion of all others. Because of this normalization of masculinity, men are often not even identified by their gender. Women, however, have their identity reduced to the fact of their gender daily. Women’s voices have been ignored and belittled as have so many outside the mainstream, white, male, heterosexual discourse.

So here’s my main point: Feminism is not about women being better than men. Let me repeat that: Feminism is not about women being better than men. Feminism is about listening to the voices that have been silenced, marginalized, and excluded by the gender binary and its inherent male-centric attitude. It’s about trying to push beyond the gendered portrayal of humanity.

So let me be clear. In this column, I plan to examine the role and rules of gender. As a feminist, I plan to look into how society teaches and learns gender, how this binary excludes other voices, and how the restrictions of gender identities disenfranchise all people.