Catullus

Catullus’ poem calling out Egnatius for his inept smiling and his alleged habit of washing his bright white teeth with urine has an air of pseudo-politeness, argues Tim Nieuwenhuis.  The repetitions in the poem (renidet … renidet … renidet; aut … aut … aut) paint a picture of Egnatius’ inept behavior.

Egnatius, quod candidōs habet dentēs,
renīdet usquequāque. Sī ad reī ventum est
subsellium, cum ōrātor excitat flētum,
renīdet ille; sī ad piī rogum filī
lūgētur, orba cum flet ūnicum māter, 5
renīdet ille. quidquid est, ubicumque est,
quodcumque agit, renīdet: hunc habet morbum,
neque ēlegantem, ut arbitror, neque urbānum.
Quārē monendum est tē mihi, bone Egnati.
Si urbānus essēs aut Sabīnus aut Tiburs 10
aut parcus Umber aut obēsus Etruscus
aut Lanuvinus ater atque dentatus
aut Transpādanus, ut meōs quoque attingam,
aut quīlubet, quī puriter lavit dentēs,
tamen renīdere usquequāque tē nollem: 15
nam risū ineptō res ineptior nulla est.
Nunc Celtiber es: Celtiberiā in terrā,
quod quisque minxit, hōc sibi solet mānē
dentem atque russam dēfricāre gingīvam,
ut, quō iste vester expolītior dēns est, 20
hōc tē amplius bibisse praedicet lōti.

Image: Thomas Rowlandson’s 1811 print of French dentist Dubois de Chemant showing off the mouth of a woman fitted with a double row of his mineral paste teeth and gums. Source: Cabinet Magazine.