“I became the earth, her instrument- smoothened and dug and brought forth- but I wrote her powers into her, and played her every night. The mornings were rushed and secret, bordered on all sides with commerce, but at night I made her stretch across me until we filled most open places I could imagine in this world.” (Stinson)
I find myself going back to this section, it was difficult to choose what quote to write about. If it were possible I would have chosen the whole section to discuss the impact Stinson’s words had on me. Growing up, when I questioned my sexuality, I would immediately push the thought to the back of my mind. I found myself thinking about femme bodies and because I didn’t know queer people in my community, I spent 16 years unaware of a part of my identity. After I began organizing, all of the spaces had queer, trans, and non binary people, I learned about pronouns and the different terms. That is when I began feeling more comfortable in questioning who I was. Fast forward to college, I was in an open relationship with a rising senior who went abroad. It was my first non monogamous relationship and I was in Detroit, MI for a political convention. That’s where I met Nico. I had no idea who this person was but I remember being starstruck by their appearance, the way they carried themselves. Our first interaction was electric, we were like two teenagers teasing each other, horsing around and stepping on each other’s shoes. I fell harder than I had ever fallen. I ended things with my ex, I realized that everything I wanted was offered to me elsewhere and I chose to recognize my value. I indulged myself in another femme body. I relate to the sensation of being intertwined with the body of my lover, the way one is in awe as you watch your lover do anything. The feelings came over me and nearly two years later, I still feel the same way. To admire a body that mirrors mine is to be present. I think Susan Stinson’s strongest description is in the section, the way the details are unfolded and the infatuation is captured allows readers like myself to paint the images and understand just how strong of a hold someone can have on you. It was a gravitational pull and I also relate to the experience of leaving a heterosexual relationship for a queer one. Once you look and see the art that is your partner, it would be blasphemous to try to look back.