Past sticks and stones make Bricks

The original claim I’m revising is example E:

“In the TV series Veronica Mars, Veronica has a series of flashbacks suggesting that she lives too much in the past. (A Generalization)

 

Revised,

 

With Veronica Mars’ flashbacks, the viewer is able to see a troubled past through the lens of a young woman who has used such events to build herself up into a confident and straightforward detective, not burdened with such thoughts but rather embracing them to make her a stronger person within a dangerous world.

One thought on “Past sticks and stones make Bricks”

  1. Thanks, for this revision– to the rest of the folks in the class, you can simply add a comment to my original post. Comments (vs. new posts) will make it a little easier to gather the revised statements.

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