“She stroked my head for a long time, and then we hugged and it felt like drowning. Then I was frightened but couldn’t stop” (pg 88-89)
This passage talks about the feelings/actions that Jeanette has with Melanie. Her feelings are overwhelming and take over her suddenly. This is revealed by her use of the words “drowning”, “frightened but couldn’t stop”, and “crawling in my belly”. Jeanette definitely feels something and even questions Melanie later on if it is an “Unnatural Passion”. The feeling and language imply an attraction between Jeanette and Melanie. The passage helps to tell the coming out story because it shows the early/young feeling of attraction Jeanette had to girls. Often in coming out stories people talk about how “they always were different” or “always knew”. This language implies that she has always been a lesbian. This is a common counter-argument that LGBT tends to use when people claim that being queer is a “decision”. Even her mother and pastor believe that she may be a “wicked person” and decided to be attracted to women, “It was my own fault. My own perversity. They started arguing between themselves about whether I was an unfortunate victim or a wicked person” (pg 131). The idea that people decide to “sin” is difficult to argue because it is ridiculous to believe that someone would choose to have a life that entails so much discrimination and prejudice. What I’m really trying to say is that no one made or enticed Jeanette to be a lesbian. She always has been and we can see that from her towards men and her attraction to Melanie.