Class Blog

“Queer people….- I would be fine” (Claire, 32). Personally, whenever I see a person who’s gay or belongs to the LGBTQ community complaining, I usually question myself that is our society is actively oppressing and persecuting these people or if are they just exaggerating their situations. And there isn’t exactly an answer for that because it could potentially go both ways. This passage shed light on this matter based on Claire’s perspective, which allowed me to put on a theory that in a general context, most people accept heteropatriarchy as the standardized gender system for a functional society. Being heterotic, this system labels the construct of queerness as deviants, but not to an extreme where it becomes a “must be executed when seen” type of crime, but rather systematic hatred and violence towards queerness. In this passage, I think Claire somewhat implies that this heteropatriarchy system is not so bad considering their scenarios, which queer groups are powerless against – to directly improve or change into a better system, which I believe to be delusional to achieve considering nowadays context. The idea here is not to support such a system, but what’s important is how one with queerness could keep their identity and be safe, continuing to exist in this system, which Claire considered as a balance. The disruption of such balance, according to Eli Claire, could cause a “real possibility of homophobic violence”; which ultimately leads me to Claire’s perspective on identity. In Claire’s context of identifications within this passage, it seems to me that one’s identity is not decided by their nature; and although identities are performative, it is also not decided by certain performances. Identities are ultimately decided by the context of the social structure that one is living in. In Claire’s case, his identity must be faked and decided in his town in order to avoid unnecessary automatic violence, because, say if you’re violently assaulted by a homophobe which could potentially result in death, there wouldn’t be any identities left for you to decide because you’re already dead meat.

In Eli Clare’s book Exile and Pride the chapter “the mountain” there is this passage, “The body as a home, but only if it is understood that bodies are never singular, but rather haunted, strengthened, underscored by countless other bodies” (Clare 11). In this passage I think that Clare has clear repetition when it comes to the theme of collectiveness. This is made evident to me when he mentions the phrase “never singular” and the word “countless” with these references he is committing to the idea that the identities of people are not fixed by their own individual experiences but rather they are in some part motivated by other people’s experiences which can cast a shadow on their own life. He is saying s the people around us play a part in how we understand ourselves and our bodies. This doesn’t seem to be dependent on just familiar relations such as parents or siblings but it can be the stories and voices of other people within a group that individual possibly finds home in. In this case, I will focus on how acknowledging the stories and bodies of other people in the LGBTQ community can help strengthen one’s view of their own identity and what queer can mean for them. One of the main class themes that we learned about after reading Adrienne Rich’s “Diving into the Wreck” was the idea of not just hearing the stories of the oppressed people or the “wreck” but seeing “the thing itself and not the myth” (Rich 102). By this I think she means that we must not get these LGBTQ experiences second hand and instead should hear of them from the people who are apart of this community. The voices and bodies of other queer people are meant to be heard so that they can help a queer person understand their identity better which is what makes reading LGBTQ literature like the one that Clare’s passage comes from so important.

Close reading Clare’s first paragraph on page 31 

Clare uses intense words like ‘must’, ‘need’ and ‘restrain’ to highlight the challenges he faces writing a story about his identity. First, Clare says he ‘must’ acknowledge the feeling of longing for rural Oregon. He vocalizes how painful it is to talk about his hometown and how the words that come from his mouth ache like an “abscessed tooth”. He feigns that he is moving on from this topic for the sake of his writing by saying the word homesick is too overused, even after making such a chilling simile to a tooth infection. Clare’s pain seeps out from him even though it seems he wants to display vulnerability in the most objective way possible.  

Clare’s desire to remain objective is displayed in his efforts to find the definitions of his identity which he lists “Queer. Exile. Class” (31). Clare says he ‘restrains’ himself from using the dictionary because he knows them already—he represents them. Even though he failed at discussing his rural upbringing, he is now able to describe his true intention as the pursuit in defining his identity to himself, as challenging as that may be for someone who feels like the layers of their identity don’t align.  

In order to fully grasp his identity, he “needs to enter the maze created by dyke identity, class location, and white rural roots” (31). ‘Need’ points urgency to Clare’s mission to meaningfully reflect on his life experiences. This quote reminded me of Eli Clare’s “The good Body” lecture where he draws importance to recognizing the complex, complicated, and contradictory nature of our bodies. This passage suggests Clare feels the same way about identity in general: one must identify each layer of their identity and work to make sense of it all, without regard to textbook definitions and stereotypes.  

“I will never find home on the mountain.” (Clare 10). That sentence really stood out to me among the first chapter of Exile and Pride by Eli Clare. The first chapter of this book focuses on the metaphor of the mountain. The metaphor of the mountain in this chapter is described as the uphill battle that one faces to succeed. As Clare is disabled, the idea that “[he] will never find home on the mountain” (10) becomes more powerful. 

There are many struggles that people that are able bodied will never understand in regards to succeeding in life. The disabled community will always face synonyms such as incompetent and unable. Society is determined to tear down the disabled and limit any sense of direction that they could have in their life. In other words, Clare is right; the disabled will never find home on the mountain. Society makes damn sure of that by crushing the hopes of the disabled.

Clare also references his queerness as a reason for why “[he] will never find home on the mountain” (10). On one hand, I understand where he is coming from. Queer communities often face discrimination in daily life, as well as the workplace specifically. If we maintain that the mountain is a symbol towards success, then it is easy to see how homophobia may limit the success of a queer individual. But, I believe that his disabilities play a bigger role in shaping his ability to find a home on the mountain, somewhere where he can succeed. 

“The dress is an oil slick. The dress\ ruins everything. In a hotel room\ by the water. I put it on when\ he says, I want you to take it off.” (Jones 29)

These are the opening lines to Saeed Jones’ poem, Drag. Immediately as readers we are placed close to the author’s experience through his use of the first-person perspective. Just in these few first lines we see immense contrast. The image of a dress being an “oil slick” it a hotel near the “water”, is one of repulsion and separation. This accompanied with the contrasting “I” vs. “he” that is presented in these lines creates the image of things being pushed away from one another. This could serve to represent a multitude of ideas including that Jones himself could be somewhat repulsed by what he is experiencing, which further contrasts with the image of the dress, which is symbolic of beauty and desire, the opposite of repulsion. This relationship between desire and repulsion is one that I see throughout Jones’ poetry that we have read. The idea of desiring something but being simultaneously repulsed due to shame or trauma is one that I see in several of his poems.

This section is separated into Jones’ thoughts and words and the other man’s words. Since Jones is whose thoughts, we experience we are on his side, in his corner. This is another theme seen in Jones poetry where he will incorporate the words and actions of other entities to contrast with his own words and inner thoughts, I am specifically thinking of the poem “Prelude to a Bruise”. This brings up closer to Jones and creates an intimate poetry experience.

“I have so wanted to ignore my own homophobia,” (Moraga, 49)

If as a gay person, you have never felt homophobia in any way, I would genuinely  be surprised. Being apart of the LGBTQ community is a risk and always has been. People commit heinous acts to “destroy the gay.” Even, as Moraga bravely admitted, oneself. Homophobia is a dangerous road. Homophobia too oneself is even worse. Hating yourself for something you cannot control within you is suicide. Through her literature, Moraga accepts that she doesn’t accept who she is. Her irony is soothing. She’s saying its okay to be gay and not like it at times. It’s normal, it’s a part of the journey. In my life, I spent years convincing myself that I wasn’t gay. That it was immoral and against God’s will. Now I have rainbow gay stickers on my mirror and I came out to my mom. Moraga and many of the authors we have read so far stress that “being gay” isn’t a one way journey. Being queer means having different experiences, thoughts, and goals as the queer person next to you. This world loves to put all gay people in one category but there’s more to being queer then just being gay.

Where (say it)

Where (louder)

Where

Are we going? — Jasper, 1998

The repetitions of three “Where” here are definitely noticeable. Even without putting them in the context, they by themselves express a strong feeling of uncertainty and anxiety from one who keeps going but doesn’t know the destination. The question “Where are we going” itself implies passivity: the one who lead the way couldn’t ask this question. It must be someone that passively follows the group that asks this kind of question. The words in the parentheses are also revealing. “(say it)” here gives me a feeling that the author maybe once fails to speak out this question in the real life, and it is a question that is hard to ask. Accordingly, “(louder)” shows that even if someone is brave enough to speak out, their voices are still not loud enough to be heard. “(louder)” here, contradicting the word “quiet” that shows up repeatedly in previous lines, shows the author’s strong will that doesn’t want to keep silent and be represented.

When I consider these words in their context, they are the emotional apex of the section, even of the entire poem. In section 2. There are a lot of hints that “I” in the poem is on the road that “I” am not willing to go, that “I” am following others, with a “smile” on face but feel loss inside. Given Jones’s identity as an African American Gay, it reminds me of what Dennis said in the interview as an Asian American gay “there’s such a societal instinct to try to act white, to act straight, or to act gay”(15). As Gloria Anzaldua said in her letter to 3rd world women writers that “we cannot allow ourselves to be tokenized. We must make our own writing.” (168), the author also says in this poem that he doesn’t want to just follow the “white men” and he wants to speak out his own voice.

The poem “Body & Kentucky Bourbon” describes an unhealthy relationship, with Saeed Jones looking back on the relationship with new understanding. The poem reflects on the deterioration of a relationship that was broken from the start, liquor filling in the cracks of the foundation. The lines “How to name you:/farmhand, Kentucky boy, lover” and “…do I wince at the jokes:/white trash, farmer’s tan, good ole boy” highlights the two tones of the poem (42, 43). In the first line, the names are pleasant and affectionate, conveying a time filled with happiness and love. On the other hand, the second line has a much darker tone, insults that mirror the love in the pet names from earlier in the relationship. The theme of internalized homophobia runs through all of Jones’s poems, and “Body & Kentucky Bourbon” is no different. The line “To realize you drank/so you could face me the morning after” illustrates the internalized homophobia in the narrator’s partner quite clearly (42). With the revelation of the narrator’s partner’s homophobia, the unhealthy relationship becomes clear, as seen in the shift in names. The pet names transitioned to insults, a joke in bed became broken glasses laying on a counter. As the narrator reflects on the memories left behind, traces of the relationship come to light in the bottom of the shot glass, especially similarities between the ex-couple. The narrator and his partner came from similar backgrounds filled with hate, but only the narrator was able to overcome the internalized homophobia and heal from some of the trauma in his past.