Category: Fall 2022

Throughout Clare’s book so far, we have seen the intense struggle of coming to terms with an identity that fits so many yet no boxes at the same time. Not only does Clare wrestle with the emotional ties of his hometown and those who reside within versus his current politics and beliefs on the logging industry, but he also talks in depth about how his “redneck” identity made it even more difficult to feel a sense of belonging in the queer community because of deviating from the urban queer identity that is seen as the norm. On page 33, Clare describes the word “redneck”’s denotation, connotation, and “usage by progressives, including many who are queer”(33). Here, Clare wrote the last interpretation of the word as “Any person who is racist, violent, uneducated and stupid (as if they are the same thing), woman-hating, gay-bashing, Christian fundamentalist, ect. 2. Use as a synonym for every type of oppressive belief except classism.”(33) Though “redneck” is something that Clare associates with his identity, he doesn’t fit this specific usage of the word that many others believe. Along those same lines, although Clare’s queer identity is also a main part of him, he doesn’t necessarily fit the urban image of queerness that was expected by others. This brings it back to how he is a part of, however cannot be completely defined by, many different and especially contradictory identities. This has led to the journey of his own acceptance and understanding of his identity that we have been following throughout the book. 

“I lie when I write that home is being a dyke in dyke community. Rather, home is particular wild and ragged beaches, specific kinds of trees and berry brambles, the exact meander of the river I grew up near, the familiar sounds and sights of a dying logging and fishing town. Exile is the hardest because I have irrevocably lost that place as actual home (p 32).” 

Clare connects himself to nature and the impact that had on his life growing up in Oregon. In every part of the book we can see the special connection he had with the landscape and wildlife of the area, from the long hikes to admiring the moss and lichen. In this specific passage, Clare emphasizes his connection to nature using a repetitive structure, describing features of nature he values while explaining his loss of that connection in what he explains as his exile. He describes exile as “not only loss, but a sense of allegiance and connection- however ambivalent – to the place left behind (p 35)” Clare makes it very clear to the reader that he could have lived his life in his hometown, but had he wanted a fulfilling life, not hiding his identity, he needed to leave. It is a battle between the love for a region, and the need for a gratifying life. 

He is shedding a light on the push for queer people to move away from their hometowns and their lives and move to more urban places where they know they will be accepted. It seems like it is a choice to move but not all queer people want to live in big cities, its the draw of not having to hide that brings people to a place they might not necessarily want to live. With being queer, there is an implied sense of having to forfeit your true home to live a life true to yourself, or forfeit your identity to live your life in the area you chose, not necessarily the space chosen for queer people.

One of the hardest parts of identifying as queer, or any other minority, is the burden placed on you to educate everyone outside of that group. From allies to bigots, it is a constant upward battle of explanations and justifications for something as simple as your mere existence. Eli Clare sums up this harsh struggle in the first chapter of his book “Exile and Pride” using the metaphor of climbing a mountain. In this passage of his novel, Clare states that “we hear from the summit that the world is grand from up there, that we live down here at the bottom because we are lazy, stupid, weak, and ugly” (Clare pg 1), this is extremely reminiscent of how that outside of minority communities always push for those being oppressed to take a stand against their oppressors even if it comes at a great personal cost to them. Clare even gives an example of his own experiences facing these unrealistic expectations. He details a story of trying and failing to hike up a mountain due to his disability, and hoe in response to this his able-bodied friends responded by telling “him with the right gear and enough practice you could climb Mount Adams” (Clare pg 9). On the surface, this seems like a very encouraging platitude, but in reality, it is shortsighted and placating. Clare’s friends and acquaintances should not have expected him to do something that would put him in harm’s way to feed into their underdog fantasies. Similarly, people who claim an LGBTQ+ identity should not be expected by cis straight people to always put themselves in harm’s way to fight for the recognition they should have by right. Queer people do not owe the rest of the world their lives. It is brave to go out of one’s way to fight for the lives of oneself and others, it does not always constitute a risk to one’s safety. Clare upped my sentiments on this issue when he wrote that he wishes someone had told him “you made the right choice when you turned around” (Clare pg 10).

In the poem “Slow dance,” by Cherrie Moraga, the reader is met with a scene involving three women on a dance floor. Moraga, throughout the poem, uses language that suggests that she has been longing for the attention of a woman, however, has been forced to observe from the outside in as these women are not interested. Throughout the poem Moraga italicizes certain thoughts that highlight her desires and how she feels about them, including strong repetition of the words “want” and “that she can handle them” (Moraga 25). The repetition and italicization of these words and phrases places an emphasis on them that could have ambiguous meanings, however, I believe that Moraga is attempting to convey to these phrases and words bring up extremely intense emotion for Moraga.  

Moraga, as much of the LGBT+ community, likely experienced having to hide her own sexuality throughout her childhood and adulthood. This concealment makes it extremely difficult to date, often building up frustration and longing for emotional or physical connection within the person. This situation is all too familiar to much of the LGBT+ community, as many queer individuals also are forced to stay closeted for their own protection from their parents, friends, or community in general. This often can make one feel completely isolated and makes it incredibly difficult to find a partner. Moraga, throughout the poem, does an excellent job of conveying the intense desire caused by this concealment. The poem finishes with the powerful line, “I am used to imagining what it’s like.” This constant state of desire and imagining unfortunately plagues the LGBT+ community today, and Moraga conveys that using intense language and repetition of intense language. 

Eli Clare’s use of repetition on page 41 demonstrates the fluidity of identity, as it changes with new experiences but depends on the environment which cultivates it. Clare conflates his queer identity with his roots and his present politics, mixing all three together in order to find his identity. Clare mentions how tangled his queer identity and understanding of class/roots has become, and how relocating to an urban space with its urban politics helped to untangle the the two.

The inclusion and repetition of words such as class and urban, as well as descriptions of various lifestyles, help to define his point about the muddled mess surrounding his identity. Only once he was away from his home town and in a new urban space did he gain an understanding of what exactly his home was like and how it affected his perception of his identity. While attending an urban liberal arts college, Clare was able to better explore his identity as a lesbian and got to experience a whole new queer world. At the same time, his time at college introduced him to a new level of middle class that Clare had not experienced when growing up in Port Orford.

I think this particular passage, and overall what Eli Clare is trying to convey, is that identity is like water. It flows and changes as you grow older and experience the world, but conforms to the space it is shoved in. Identity, especially queer identity is shaped by the experiences people have, both in urban and rural spaces. By leaving his rural home, Clare was able to expand his own ideas about his queer identity and how it relates to his roots as a lower middle class “country bumpkin” while also discovering where Clare feels most at home (pg 41).

Saeed Jones’s poem “ Boy Found Inside a Wolf’ starts with a description of Jones fighting his way out of his father’s body (or the “wolf” in this poem). Through this, Jones references the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Jones, like Riding Hood, is an inexperienced young individual who is still finding themselves in a complex world because of this, they depend on the authority figures in their life to help them understand the world and their role in it. Unfortunately, not all adults have their well-being in mind which can lead them to difficult places in life. In Riding Hood’s case, she is misled and later consumed by the wolf. Jones opens his poem by using this as a metaphor for his life. Starting with his repetition of “ red” and “black”, he creates a vivid image of the gruesome and uncomfortable conditions of the body that he is fighting his way out of. (Jones 13) Jones also emphasizes the feeling of suffocation he experiences in his “father’s body” as a way of metaphorically representing the nature of his father’s expectations, restrictive and overbearing on Jones’s gender expression and sexuality. Jones being trapped in his “father’s body” also represents his father’s attempts to make Jones like him, to the point where he feels trapped in his father’s sense of self. 

Similar to Jones, Eve Sedgwick also discusses the relationship between queer kids and authority figures or parents. She writes about how unaccepting and hateful parents can be towards their queer kids, to the point of either isolating themselves from Queer adults or rejecting them from the family. Jones and Sedgewick’s discussion of the influence of familial relationships on queer kids and their sense of self highlights this common theme in LGBTQ+ literature and experiences. More specifically, Jones’s poem highlights how despite parents’ attempts to change their children, these attempts are futile as a true sense of self can not be stopped. He shows this resistance through his fist breaking through the wolf’s body, showing how despite numerous challenges queer people face, they will always continue to resist and create change. (Jones 13)

“Loving you is like living / in the war years” (Moraga, 23).

The first line of Loving in the War Years, a poem featured in Cherrie L. Moraga’s novel under the same title, sets the reader up to understand Moraga’s relationship with her identity as a lesbian. She connects loving a woman to living in a time of turmoil and fear. She goes on to write, “Loving you has this kind of desperation / to it, like do or die” (Moraga, 23). Moraga must either confess and act on her love or die with this secret (the secret of love and the secret of identity) buried in her.

Ironically, this line contrasts with the first line. To love is to “do or die”, but to love is to live in pain and turmoil. It is a painful reflection on the fear many queer people live in; loving means putting yourself in the line of fire, either physically, verbally, or mentally. It means risking your relationships with your friends and family. Loving is akin to war when your love is not accepted.

I was pulled to Eve Sedgwick’s Tendencies, where she writes “I’ve heard of many people who claim they’d as soon their children were dead as gay. What it took me a long time to believe is that these people are saying no more than the truth” (Sedgwick, 2). Parents fear the very nature of their child’s love, because at least death would protect their kid from the hatred queer people face. If you ask people “what is the meaning of life”, you will hear at least one person respond “love”. But when your love is dangerous, it can feel like there is nothing to live for.

As I was reading sections from Eli Clare’s book Exile and Pride, I have taken note of his usage of words and how much he can evoke in such few words. After reading a few pages of his works it became painfully clear how much of an expert wordsmith he can be. One section that I will focus upon is the section entitled “II. A Supercrip Story”.

When Clare describes how society views disables people who have overcome struggles, and how the nondisabled world has become saturated with stories of the disabled person overcoming their struggles, and how they “enforce the superiority of the non disabled body and mind”, it paints a vivid picture, especially when he uses words meant to shame people with disabilities while talking about the second a disabled person accomplishes something the nondisabled world deems to be a challenge for them, they become a poster child for how to overcome the hardships in your life. His words become very clear with the repetition of the words “I mean” and “lack” on page 3, where the repetition creates a feeling of struggle and persistence to make ones voice heard, like butting into a conversation multiple times because no one is listening.

This becomes a foremost subject as he opens the last paragraph of this small section with his personal experience being the “supercrip” that the nondisabled population gawks at like an animal in the zoo. The repetitive usage of I in the first half of the paragraph where Clare describes his history with cross country in high school, where he would come in last and occasionally be lapped by the front runners in the race, compared to his repetitive usage of “them” as he describes the reactions that people had to his running, where he would be fawned over and treated as the bravest soul for even daring to step on the track, to even attempt to run. The egregious amount of pity shown to “the supercrip, tragic brave girl with CP, courageous cripple”. who simply wanted people to “PISS ON PITY”.

Clare’s clear craftiness with words is clearly shown in this section, painting so many vivid pictures with his words, that can not total over two thousand words. It clearly shows that in some cases, a picture can be worth significantly less than a thousand words depending on the author.