“The body as home, but only if it is understood that bodies are never singular, but rather haunted, strengthened, underscored by countless other bodies” (11).
This quote ties in with many other passages in Clare’s writing, working together to build an idea of his view of identity. In particular, it fits with his idea of being unable “to bridge the chasm between my homesickness for a place thousands of miles away in the middle of logging country and [his] urban-created politics” (20). His identity is “complex, complicated, and contradictory,” as he said in his talk.
There is this concept that his body, and by extension his identity, is not singular. It is not made up of simply what is presently there. It is something that has been built by the communities around him and experiences throughout the years. Even as he has grown as a person and become perhaps more authentically himself, it must be acknowledged that who he is now was built on who he has been. His foundation is a child in a rural logging town, and his years spent living as a butch lesbian are a fundamental part of who he is, even though that label does not fit him anymore.
In particular from this quote, the words “haunted, strengthened, underscored” direct my thinking. I am interpreting the “bodies” in this quote to be both other people but also prior versions of himself. With this in mind, the implication is that his relationships with himself and others over the years affect his identity, both positively and negatively. They “haunt” him, giving him trauma to carry with him, but also “strengthen” him, giving him life experience and confidence in himself. Most of all, they “underscore” everything he knows to be true about himself, re-emphasizing that his identity is built on these “bodies.”
Overall, I think that these lines are continuing his idea that he is simultaneously everyone and everywhere he has ever loved and been. Identity is so hard to define because it requires being face to face with parts of yourself you are embarrassed by and communities you would no longer like to claim. This is particularly a shared feeling amongst people with queer identities because, for many people, queerness did not have a place in their lives while they were growing up. The queer identity may feel inherently contradictory, as many other identities directly oppose queerness, but that does not stop them from becoming integral parts of queer people.
These lines also remind me of Cherrie Moraga and her struggles to connect her queer identity to her cultural identity. Like you said, coming to terms with your identity requires you to acknowledge the pieces of you that never quite felt right and come to terms with the effects of those pieces on your identity. Moraga was caught between her identities and struggled to find her place until she began to accept their influences on her life. Like Clare, Moraga’s identity is built from the experiences she’s had and has made her stronger after she came to terms with them.