After reading Insomniac by Saeed Jones, I knew I had to post something about it. Honing in on the second stanza, I was enthralled by the idea of locking something up or keeping something hidden. At first, I only believed it was surface-level; the idea of queerness or showcasing of a queer identity was hidden. Yet, after further reflection, I wonder if this “mother of sorrows” we hear of once was, or is actually a queer woman herself. “In a language,” I’m guessing, refers to the language of a minority. Of our kind. The history of ballroom. A facade given to the public and only seen in our spaces. What we swore we would never tell anyone.
This language that the “mother of sorrows” may be keeping from her son is one that she speaks herself. Her tongue may also be a queer one. I wonder if she knew the repercussions of this sacred language, but wanted to do anything and everything in her power to keep her son alive, and maybe one day see the world outside of that locked room he is banished to. The idea of gatekeeping queerness is fascinating to me, and it suggests to me that the mother has seen the hurt it causes firsthand. Was her husband an abusive man? Did he partake in hate crimes against LGBTQ+ people – maybe a law enforcer at that time? We will never know. We can only let our imaginations take us to unseen and unspoken places. What I am trying to say is that I think these lines are a commonly lived experience reference to masking queer identities and/or presentations within a traditional, non-accepting household. That’s all from your favorite literary icon’s favorite literary blogger. Para Scisccors out.
#masking #queer #facade
I also agree about “The idea of gatekeeping queerness is fascinating to me, and it suggests to me that the mother has seen the hurt it causes firsthand” because there is this instinct when the speaker faces his “first shot.” They are running away from the danger, which can align with the father’s potential violence, if there was any. However, based on the mother’s actions it seems like there was some level of protection. She worried about what the speaker could face, and in After the First Shot that worry turns into the speaker’s reality.
I think the idea of hiding away language in order to have safety and to blend into is society is one every minority is familiar with. I wonder how the idea of speaking queer or acting queer intersects with someone like Gloria Anzaldua and Cheri Moraga who are queer and Latina women who are often told that write and speak English and how one can’t be successful if with selling writings or giving speeches if they are speaking in Spanish. For queer people of color blending into cis-normative society also requires them to take even more steps to blend in as race, ethnicity, and nationality can affect one to feel pressure to blend into a predominant white-Anglo country/area.