Author: DrinkSomeChoco

     To expand on Eli Clare’s chapter about “Losing Home” as the previous post showcased, there was a connection that shares some sentiments with Eli Clare’s experience of feeling lost, which was a show on Netflix called “The Summer Hikaru Died.”

     Using the discussions revolving around Eli Clare about complications about leaving their identity as well as using queer theory, the main character in “The Summer Hikaru Died” faces this similar dilemma as they had this ‘physical’ obstacle that is tying them down to their secluded town. Eli says, “I know that it is life-blood for me to live openly in relative safety as a dyke among dykes; to live thousands of miles away from the people who…[harmed] me as child…[but] I hate that cost” (Clare 46). Eli Clare talks about the life they had in their small urban home and how the dyke community was their safe space. Eli mentions how they wished there were ways to educate or support LGBTQ individuals to express themselves in small urban spaces. Yoshiki, the main character, suffers from a similar experience but instead of making the decision to leave the small town, they stay because of their love for Hikaru even after their death. 

     Yoshiki’s character in the show had them experience a ‘what-if’ situation in which Hikaru was still alive. In episode 1 of The Summer Hikaru Died, there’s a moment in which Yoshiki confronts Hikaru about his identity and Hikaru casually threatens Yoshiki to keep quiet by revealing his true form. In this shot as well, Hikaru can possibly signify the physical baggage that Yoshiki carries with them even after their crush’s death. This connection is likely what Eli Clare must have experienced along the way, although not physical, Eli expressed that memories tied them to their previous home which can be said about Yoshiki. Eli Clare says, “I didn’t know that in a middle-class town or neighborhood these things would have marked my family and me as something other than well-off” (Clare 38). Eli Clare comments on how class can vary depending on the size of the place, which is often overlooked if LGBTQ people have never lived in small towns. In this case, Yoshiki’s mother works in the city, already creating distances from other villagers as the town is wary of them. Eli Clare comments on this experience by calling out LGBTQ support groups to educate villagers on sexualities as well as individuals who are closeted.

“Replacement.” The Summer Hikaru Died, created by Mokumokuren, season 1, episode 1, CygamesPictures, 5 July 2025. Netflix app.

Clare, Eli. “Losing Home.” Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, Liberation, Duke University Press, Durham & London, 2015, pp. 31–49. 

     In the play of Angels in America, Roy is a political figure who hates gay people and actively pushes the narrative that they spread AIDs. In some instances, this can be viewed negatively due to the amount of people advocating for gay rights and refusal of gay people spreading AIDs. Tony Kushner does an interesting take with Roy, as they constantly set representations for someone in the political with homophobia.

     During the exchange with Henry and Roy, the process of getting Roy to accept his illness was a never-ending denial, especially for their character. However, the things Roy talks about in Act 1 Scene 9, “No say it. I mean it. Say: ‘Roy Cohn, you are a homosexual.’ And I will proceed to destroy your reputation and your practice and your career in New York State, Henry. Which you know I can do” (Kushner 45). Roy uses his power as a political figure to shut down any ideas of Henry claiming that Roy might be gay. In addition, during the AIDs epidemic there might be possibilities of politicians preventing research of curing AIDs as seen in the quote. Roy seems to carry this skewed perception of reality, especially when they go out of their way to deny their disease. In Act 1 Scene 9, Roy says, “AIDS. Homosexual. Gay. Lesbian. You think these are names that tell you who someone sleeps with, but they don’t tell you that” (Kushner 46). This ties together the issues of AIDs being linked with homosexuality, since it is viewed in a negative light enforcing discrimination and shame on the LGBTQ community by people in power.

     Something Roy brings up near the end of their conversation with Henry is that there seems to be men sleeping with him to get good connections like communicating with the President and such. A part of hypocrisy that Roy continues to deny any relation to AIDS and homosexuality and even deconstructing labels. In Act 1 Scene 9, Roy tells Henry,” Not ideology, or sexual taste, but something much simpler: clout. Not who I fuck or who fucks me, but who will pick up the phone when I call, who owes me favors. This is what a label refers to” (Kushner 46). This showcases the level of denial Roy has for their sexuality going as far as using it for “clout” and not acknowledging the proper use of labels for LGBTQ folk. 

In “Losing Home” by Eli Clare, he mentions how the difficulties of leaving his so called ‘home’ caused some major complications that go beyond his identity. At first, he shows great appreciation towards the exposure of queer communities in the city which he has some flaws with it. He finds issues with queer organizations and support groups that advocate for gay and lesbian rights in cities. He says, “…leaving our roots to live in cities; living fearful invisible lives in our rural communities…” (Clare 44), which insulates how someone of his background had two options which generally presented themselves as the worst internal outcomes. It brings some questions if these queer organizations ignore these parts of society because of “…straight rural people, the same folks urban people call rednecks, hicks, clods, and bigots…” (Clare 44), which are usually ignored because they tend to hold conservative views of queer individuals. 

    However, there is the possibility that these queer organizations, mostly individuals, likely are afraid of confronting an unknown territory or ignore due to the negative perception of these isolated places. There are a lot of assumptions that these small-town individuals should move into the city to create “…queer visibility and acceptance by building community among queer people…” (Clare 44), which is normally not possible in rural areas for queers. In addition, these organizations direct their attention to the naturally progressive cities because there are a lot of working class to upper class individuals. Stuff like “…unemployment, inadequate food and housing, unaffordable and inaccessible health care and education…” (Clare 44) are the norm for rural areas, showing how closeted individuals continue to be a challenge to a narrow-minded community. 

    For that reason, this reading expresses similar topics regarding the complications of coming out in a small town to this Japanese manga. It received an adaptation called, “The Summer Hikaru Died” on Netflix. The main character of this show goes through the struggles of hiding his identity from this small town as well as dealing with the loss of his first crush, and this entity who takes the form of his dead crush. 

The mention of the speaker’s body from “coatless” (line 2) and “bare feet” (line 5) enforces this idea that he wants the readers to feel present, which also carries over until line 12. However, after line 12 it feels like the speaker is using less descriptive details about his environment showing the lack of interest they have in the world. He is experiencing this touch of reality that forces him to act on his survival instincts, like how his father is abusing him and about not wanting to ever deal with that again. Also, the speaker sounds exhausted with the way they said,” Each mile / birthing three more,” but also revealing the kind of distance he needs in order to get it out of his system (line 6-7). His frustration of conforming into the presentation that his father sets for him and what society has placed upon him could also be included to his crash out. The speaker says,”There are sorrel horses / herding inside me. / In a four legged night,” (lines 8-10) which uses a metaphor to highlight how he has adrenaline like horses, and is hinting of wanting to stand their ground. Lines 14 & 15 provide this line break and enjambment to allow the hesitation the speaker has over his life, he thinks, “what I thought was the end / of myself. To answer”. This creates tension & anticipation over the next bullet that speaker plans on using to end his life as the title of the poem “After the First Shot” could indicates this. However, when the speaker says, “your rifle’s last question:” (line 16) could indicate the speaker’s father as the shooter. The last two lines suggest a compromise between the father and the speaker as one side will never accept the speaker’s identity, and making the speaker feel like his end is through this second shot.