No, this is not my self declaration of straightness and returning to the closet. However, I think that Feeling Utopia by Muñoz offers me another layer to think about my identity and how political it can be. It strikes me with some kind of loss of words when I read, “We have never been queer, yet queerness exists for us as an ideality that can be distilled from the past and used to imagine a future.” When I think of the past especially as it pertains to queer history, I think of Marsha P. Johnson — a trans activist who fought and envisioned a society that would accept and redeem a community of people who have been outcasted by society. Much of the work we see today is built on the foundations that Marsha and many others have laid for us to walk on. With this in mind, Muñoz asks us to consider queerness that “propels us forward”. This rhetoric of looking back to move forward is something that is deeply engrained in practices outside of queerness as well. I think of oral traditions and master practices that are only continued and thriving because younger generations have taken on the skills of the ancestors and teachers before them to continue the lineage defined by them. Moreover, knowing what has been done gives you more direction to understand what still needs to be accomplished.
Why does this matter, and what does it have to do with being queer? Well, If we think about queerness as potentiality — something that could be in the future, it then becomes something we constantly fight for to maintain this presence for a future. We’re nearly over half-way through 2023, and the abundance of incoming news about tragedies that hit queer communities and people of color is disgusting. It is clear we are still a long ways away for fighting for a rightful seat at the table and to actually be listened and heard. To be queer is an act of resistance, a movement in a way to normalize what has been deemed abnormal. Using the “past to imagine a future” in a way Muñoz has an optimistic outlook on what he sees can be a future for queer people.
This “ideality” is an interesting word to me. What does it mean to be ideal? My definition can look so different from what you might think and in a way I think that’s the beauty of it. The future of my queerness is infinite and ever fluid — why should it be constrained to fit one niche box. Policies in our system create rigid blocks that police our queerness and undermine our complex identities. When I think of ideality, I think of a nature in which the complexities and nuances of queerness could be seen.
Using this framework of queerness as an ideality for a future, in a way it brings me back to Brokeback Mountain — and the ideality that Jack had for Ennis and himself to have an idealized life together. It is because of the lingering stigmas that exist in the parameters of even their story that it diminishes a potentiality for even a queer future for the two of them. Their story thrives within Brokeback Mountain, but in the “real world” it is only a fantasy.
I think your point about how the future of queerness is varied and cannot be constrained– how it is “fluid”– relates back to the idea of queer time, how gay people are given a different expectation in life. This sets them free from the expected “chronobiopolitical” clock that sets the pace for the heteronormative world. I think that’s also why Brokeback Mountain is so tragic, because of the potential of their relationship, what it could have been if not for the “parameters” of their world.
I really like the idea of Queerness being fluid. I think there is an interesting connection to Butler in this as they suggest that the conclusion of their work is a world in which Gender is truly fluid. In which we can exist as a society without the current binary. We should perhaps look at Muñoz as advocating for a similar situation. One in which people are allowed to simply be themselves. Thus, true Queerness, at least in Muñoz’s perspective and as you mentioned, is beautifully dynamic.
First of all, I love how honest and raw you were with this post. These are not easy ideas you are grappling with, and to contend with them in an open forum like this is admirable. I especially appreciate that you highlighted the line “we have never been queer…” because though I do not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community I too felt that line in my gut. It is at the same time compelling and heartbreaking, intriguing and scary. A sense of community is so important to all people, and feeling like you constantly have to fight for it but may never reach it is terrifying. That being said, the idea of striving for something is heartening and inspiring as well, which is important to keep in mind. I like the fact that you acknowledged both of these ideas so eloquently here.