On page 36, Winterson depicts the main character eating with Louise, the married woman that they have fallen in love with. They are eating soup that Louise has made, and it is in this moment that the narrator finds themself overcome by lust for her. Winterson writes “When she lifted the soup spoon to her lips how I longed to be that innocent piece of stainless steel” (36). By thinking this, the narrator is showing the reader that they long to be closer to Louise by any means possible. They know that Louise is married and shares certain intimacies of her life with her husband, which the narrator is not privy to. By wishing to be the soup spoon, they wish to assume a role of importance in her life as well as share an erotic experience with her. They are demonstrating that they find Louise so attractive that even something as “innocent” as a soup spoon can become sexual in her hands.
This passage relates to the rest of the novel so far because it shows how the narrator’s sexuality and lust play a role in their decision-making. Shortly after this passage, the narrator realizes that the clock is ticking on their comfortable relationship with Jacqueline, and it won’t be long before they leave her for Louise. Clearly, the narrator cannot keep themselves from Louise, as they find every part of her attractive, even the way she eats. Therefore, they are willing to trade in comfort and contentment for instability and excessive lust with a married woman. In the next sentence, Winterson writes “I would gladly have traded the blood in my body for half a pint of vegetable stock” (36). This statement indicates that the main character would do anything for Louise and is desperate to be a part of her life in some regard. That desperation is what fuels the beginning of their relationship, and even the bulk of it to follow. Not all of it is driven by lust, but that is what pushes the narrator to end their relationship with Jacqueline and take up with Louise full-time.
This is such a beautiful passage, I love how vivid this particular scene is. Something I find really special about the novel as a whole is the way we as readers are taken through events and moments of the narrator’s life while being able to enjoy their raw, seemingly unfiltered internal thoughts and feelings. Like you said, the soup is something so innocent and simple, but at the same time works to expose the way the narrator feels about Louise and relationships as a whole. I feel that soup in some ways can be connected with domesticity (especially in this case where they are eating together) and modesty; I wonder if this was intentional to really highlight the way sexuality permeates the mind of the narrator quite early on. What some people would identify as a wholesome, loving moment, the narrator chooses to think about in a lustful and sexual manner.
To be completely honest, I remember this passage making my skin crawl in the weirdest way possible. Something I think that is worth thinking about is how soup in nearly universal. Almost every culture out there has some form of soup dish, and with each bowl brings you warmth and peace. Except, not this bowl. I wonder if this can be broadened to the desire to be wanted. Just as a general statement, I feel that as people, we want to be loved and taken care of, but for our narrator, to be cared for and to care for is to be sexualized. Then, I wonder if that could lead to a possible connection throughout our texts.