“Sometimes I think I’m free, coughed up like Jonah from the whale, but then I turn a corner and recognize myself again. Myself in your skin, myself lodged in your bones, myself floating in the cavities that decorate every surgeon’s wall. That is how I know you. You are what I know.” (Winterson, 120)
After the narrator decides to leave Louise and isolate themselves from their everyday life, they become fixated on the understanding of anatomy attempting to reconcile their deep rooted and transformative feelings for Louise. The narrator describes themself as intertwined in Louise’s anatomy. The narrator portrays themselves as “in your skin, lodged in your bones” (Winterson, 120) illustrating the ways in which they have become inseparable from Louise and in a sense consumed by her.
Unable to recognize themself, the narrator reiterates that Louise is “what [they] know,” (Winterson, 120) highlighting how this relationship has changed the narrator’s behavior and anatomy in addition to the ways in which they have lost sight of their individual personhood. The narrator thinks they have regained their autonomy describing their freedom as “coughed up like Jonah from the whale.” As Jonah was thrown of the ship as a last resort for survival and then eaten whole by a giant whale in the biblical narrative, the narrator sees their decision to leave Louise as forced and for the greater good. This self-imposed isolation was a means of sacrifice for the long-term well being of Louise. Like Jonah, the narrator survives but this is only physical.
This passage illustrates the narrator’s complete transformation at the hands of Louise and viscerally describes the physical trauma of separation. The narrator’s current state is uncharacteristic of their relationship history, which is marked by short periods of emotionally charged time. The narrator has changed in multiple ways, which has permanently altered their existence.
Your analysis of this passage is especially interesting in the context of the ending of the novel. As you point out, the narrator is in this passage completely consumed by Louise. Although they have forced themselves to leave Louise, supposedly for her own good, they are unable to escape her body because it is within themself. At the end of the novel, however, the narrator, whether or not they are actually reunited with Louise, seems to escape at last from their “Jonah and the whale” situation, and is able to “stretch out my hands and reach the corners of the world” (190).
This analysis on the anatomical part in the novel made clear many discrepancies I had while reading that section of the novel. I also grappled with the fact that the narrator left Louise. Why? Why would they do that in the midst of her sickness? This excerpt from the novel along with your analysis helped me understand further the reasoning behind the Narrators insanity. I might be going to far but you piece relates to “Unknown”, with the idea in mind to be lost, “floating” as the narrator loses themselves in Louise’s’ anatomy but also in the metaphorical sea.