“Cancer is an unpredictable condition. It is the body turning upon itself. We don’t understand that yet. We know what happens but not why it happens or how to stop it” (Winterson 105).
Louise’s actions in the face of the “unpredictable condition” of her cancer suggest that she uses the circumstances of “the body turning upon itself” to create for herself a new “life narrative,” to use Halbertstam’s term, that is not contingent upon a desire for longevity (2). Although the chronology of Written on the Body is imprecise, Louise states in a conversation with the narrator that she first saw them two years ago (84). When Elgin reveals to the narrator that Louise has cancer, he also states that Louise has known about her cancer for two years (101). I want to read Louise’s decision to pursue the narrator as linked to her finding out that she has cancer. Although the reader is not given insight into Louise’s perspective on her own disease, it is likely that learning that she has cancer would have altered time in some way for Louise. Specifically, I believe that Louise’s awareness of her disease altered time for her in the same was as Halberstam describes AIDS as having altered time for the queer community. Louise’s cancer, and her subsequent knowledge of “what happens but not why it happens or how to stop it” created a “constantly diminishing future” for her, one in which there was no possibility of a life that revolved around the “reproductive temporality” which Halberstam sees as the central feature of normative time (4). By deliberately seeking out the narrator’s address and creating the circumstances of their meeting, Louise enacts the unpredictability of her disease and begins the work of creating an alternative “life narrative” for herself in which she not only exists in “queer time” but also purposefully removes herself from the normative structure of her marriage to Elgin, which binds her to the normative timeline on which reproduction is the next scheduled item. While Elgin and the narrator see the unpredictability of Louise’s cancer as a thing to be controlled, Louise embraces the fact that her body is “turning upon itself” and denying her a normative lifespan and pursuit of longevity by rejecting a marriage-bound, reproduction-based “life schedule” and pursuing unpredictability (Halberstam 1).
Using Louise as an example for Halberstam’s piece was a great idea. I liked how you talked about how her cancer might have been a catalyst for the way in which she lived her life and viewed time. Often-times we hear about how people who learn that they have a terminal illness will refuse treatment and instead make the most of the time they have left, thus not striving for longevity. I tend to wonder if that is the better way to live even as someone who is not suffering from a terminal illness, but I digress. I liked how you talked about Louise rejecting her “marriage-bound, reproduction-based ‘life schedule'” as I think it gives us an understanding of the circumstances under which people may not follow the paradigmatic life experiences that Halberstam talks about. Overall, a really informative, helpful post!
I had not noticed the overlap between Louise’s diagnosis and her pursuit of the narrator, however this little detail seems to drastically change Louise’s role in the story. I must agree that the idea of accepting one’s own premature death seems so alien that it must carry its own kind of queer time. Moreover, Louise’s concept of time without end becomes far more complex when we have to consider that, to the narrator, her time is coming to an end.