In the short story “Brokeback Mountain,” both Jack and Ennis grapple with their identities. As early on as after the first time they have sex, they are trying to deny that it happened. “…once Ennis said, ‘I’m not no queer!’ and Jack jumped in with, ‘Me neither. A one-shot thing. Nobody’s business but ours.'” To me, it is clear that these men feel guilty about the acts they have just committed, as it is very abnormal and out of the ordinary for where they are and “people like them,” hence all the gay cowboy stereotypes.
This perspective on queerness led me to a book I’ve been reading recently, Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley. This is a young adult novel centered on Sarah, a Black girl grappling with integrating into a new, all-white school in the 1950s, and Linda, a white girl struggling to steer away from the views that have been instilled into her and see Sarah as a human being rather than just another Black person. One of the constant themes of the book is Sarah going to great lengths to hide her sexuality, even, at times, trying to deny it to herself because “it’s not Christian.” She even dates a boy named Ennis for a period of time to try and convince herself she is actually straight. she says at the end of her first date with Ennis, “This should be the easiest, most natural thing in the world. Going on a date with a boy. Maybe if I try hard enough it will be.”
Both of these texts use these characters’ denial as a way to bring awareness to the stigmas around queerness surrounding the different characters and the societies they are living in. While on the surface, a high-school girl grappling with integration has nothing to do with an uneducated cowboy, they share the commonality of what could be if they only admitted it to themselves, but the fear of the future. The fear of being judged. Of not being perceived as good people anymore by those they trust and love. They bring another raw, human aspect to what it means to be queer, and what it means to fit that into the other parts of your identity.
~written by SilverFlute
Your comparison of these two texts is super interesting and it made me think of Clare talking about anonymity and safety. In “Brokeback Mountain”, Ennis and Jack seem very cut off from other people and society in general, while in the book you mentioned, I imagine there are characters aside from the main ones and their families. Your post made me think of different levels of anonymity. Like, Sarah can’t be completely anonymous, because being Black in an all-white school makes her stand out, but dating boys when she’s not into them seems to be a way to try to gain anonymity on the sexuality front. It also made me think of Clare’s flyover states and metronormativity, and I think it’s interesting to think about how that changes over time, with Lies We Tell Ourselves taking place in the 50s and “Brokeback Mountain” taking places in the 60s and Clare writing his essays in the 90s.
I love how you used both “Brokeback Mountain” and “Lies We Tell Ourselves” to show what it means to accept your identity. I think both stories relate to each other, especially the fear they have of coming out. I think the time periods of the texts are important too. They would not only fear judgement, but fear for their lives. While it is much better now, coming out back then was like putting a big target on your back.
I would be very interested to hear your thoughts on the concept of “denial” in comparison to our conversation on “confession” from the other day. I have not read “Lies We Tell Ourself” but it seems like the book dedicates a great deal of space to the character’s discovery and understanding of their own self, larger structural hindrances, and morality. These are all themes that have been circling through all of our recent reading, but to me, denial is almost directly opposite to the idea of confession (but I think perhaps the two concepts are just different outcomes that are fueled by the same internal dilemma)
I really appreciate the connection between “The Lies We Tell Ourselves” and “Brokeback Mountain.” On a somewhat unrelated note, I think perhaps an aspect of Queer Joy as we’ve been discussing it is acceptance. That is a critical aspect of all of the stories we consider to be examples of Queer Joy. Not only self-acceptance but also acceptance from the broader community of the characters. Often in sad stories with Queer Characters, we see the struggle for acceptance, without a path to catharsis, or rather, the ability to live publicly as one sees themselves privately.