Author: wherethewildthingsare

 

Memory is one of the most curious abilities that humans have. How they can never truly be objective and no memory of the same event will appear the same due to the different bodies perceiving them. The recollection of these events is also fascinating. Why is it that some memories seem to be lost forever and others replay in our minds as if they happened yesterday.

When something particularly great occurs, my desires for that particular memory is that they will never diminish. That they will remain vivid. Latching on to an event that once brought so much joy, a memory sometimes won’t suffice as our only desire is to relive what was so great. This is if the memory is pleasant and delightful. Unfortunately not all of our human encounters appear to be sunshine and flowers therefore certain relapses can alter the perceptions of our own self. Tyler’s first experience of putting on a dress had obviously been a vulnerable one and Mrs. Ramchandin was able to allow Tyler to just be. As a souvenir because apparently the objects we hold onto create some sort of validation for our experience, Tyler holds onto the dress. “I stuffed the dress and stockings behind her dresser, deciding to keep if not to wear it again, at least for the memory of some power it seemed to have imparted. It had been a day and an evening to treasure. I had never felt so extremely ordinary, and I quite love it” (Mootoo 78). My initial reactions to this whole scene was a pretty pleasant one. Tyler felt accepted maybe for the first time ever. But the mere reality of the situation is that even if he was never going to put on the dress again, his only memory of feeling ordinary was only for a tiny moment. His only good recollection of the way he feels lasted for a moment that possibly outweighs a lifetime of unpleasant memories. Clinging to a good moment can reveal the amount that one has suffered through out their lifetime.

The beauty of higher education is that young adults are specializing their time and areas of interest to pursue their passions outside of the institutions that consumes so much of our lives currently. Whether these pursuits are in biology, linguistics, physics, or art history, collectively we are the individuals who will bring these perspectives in the world to come. In theory this creates a world that so desperately needs balance. Reality never seems to fully take place what theorists may predict however. Inevitably this balance is threatened and typically not achieved outside of college campuses. While college students are not quite molded into the people we are meant to be yet, adults tend to forget to challenge their mindsets the way students are today. This can lead to a dangerous assumption of understanding the norms that students spend countless hours in their specialized fields daily. From my own experiences, I have been finding myself increasingly more frustrated with the social injustices that were never there before since I was never looking and how to express these problematic issues to those who do not study these issues has been difficult to say the least.

While I was one of the individuals who did not know much about the history of women’s suffrage or the inhumane discrimination that individuals of the gay and gender queer community have and still currently experience, educating myself within these areas has truly made me see the world differently. Despite how cliché it may sound, a different perspective creates an existence in the world that was simply never there. Anne Carson’s Autobiography of Red introduces a new light of thinking through the life within a story told countless times before. The myth of Hercules typically focuses on the path the demi-god takes rather than the little red monster Geryon. Carson is able to capture a part of his character that has never been observed before, metaphorically representing the queer and marginalized individual through Geryon’s life. Dina Georgis’ excerpt regarding the novel explicitly explains how Geryon’s autobiography is an inventive take on the myth. She shares “Geryon’s own experience” is narrated to us, not in words or in a digested story of his life but in obscure photographic stills of life fragments in excess what can be known about his body” (Georgis 156). In the face of trauma or those who have been neglected, often two narratives are never the same, but certain trends and patterns develop through those who are willing to share them. Rather what makes Geryon’s autobiography inventive is not what he is saying, but how. His story is told through a lens of a camera. Anne Carson is able to revolutionize this concept through repeating a story that has been told for centuries.

 

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=466050747&m=466437192

I’d like to believe that there is something bigger than us in the universe than just us humans running around aimlessly on earth having no sense of purpose, direction, or meaning. Therefore I would like to believe that I had heard this story when I needed to hear it the most, with one of the people who I feel most comfortable with in my life I’d like to believe it was for a reason. One of the biggest recognized stories of sexual shame appearing in not only American culture, but politics as well has been the Bill Clinton scandal in 1998 where twenty four Monica Lewinsky went from having a privatized life to a public figure of shame, literally overnight. On NPR, during Ted Radio Hour, she spoke publicly addressing her own story and her courage must be acknowledged. This story had hit me on so many levels that it was as if I had drove into a brick wall rather than to brunch on Valentine’s Day. I had three reactions. First, I had empathized for Monica Lewinsky because society does not recognize the object that we have defined her as. Secondly, I had expressed my almost hidden form of anger for her misconstrued judgments about shame appearing in politics. And lastly, I had started crying due to the own shame that I have been trying to face on my own recently. While I was listening I expressed my feelings to my boyfriend (sorry if I talk about him a lot but he’s like my other half so he’s become part of the story) Nick, and I said “everything that she (Lewinsky) is saying can be identified and represent the queer community as well.” This was my reaction to the following:

“What that meant for me personally was that overnight, I went from being a completely private figure, to a publicly humiliated one worldwide … the attention and judgement that I had received, not the story but that I personally received was unprecedented … I was seen by many, but known by few.” (3:50-5:00)

Here I have labeled repetitions in blue, clusters, in orange, and red. Then the word that had infuriated me in purple. Once I heard this spoken I had recognized the shame the Monica had received publicly and the depths that she had experienced personally, however unprecedented shares a great deal of ignorance. I immediately thought of Michael Warner’s article “The Trouble With Normal” and within the prefix expressed the entirety of my anger. He says “For this reason the world has much to learn from the disreputable queers who have the most experience in the politics of shame, but who for that very reason have been least likely to gain a hearing..” (VII). Here I found clusters that related directly back to Monica Lewinsky’s quote. And while I applaud her for coming to terms with her own pass and embracing the shame that I can’t imagine enduring, I also would like to critique her for not recognizing an entire community who faces the same level of shame every day within their own lives: queer culture. She also says “It’s very hard to be in your own skin while suffering from shame.” I think Lewinsky can do a great deal more by bringing awareness to the lack of representation in the political realm, rather than just promoting anti bullying awareness, which is important, but I just believe she can do much more. Like she said, it was time to come to term with her own past, but it’s also time for a new recognition of individuals in the public world, without shame.

 

 

“Fragile creatures of a small blue planet, surrounded by light years of space.” (156)

 

The narrators choice of words here are exquisite in its generalization. “Fragile creatures” viewing humans not as people but of unknown mysteries both capable of good and evil. Not only capable but expected to, because one doesn’t come without the other in human nature. The power in these words loses the essence and need to gender people, because like the language that Winterson uses, the language allows room for growth and tolerance of not having to define and categorize all that we are.

“…of a small blue planet, surrounded by light years of space.” We are physically surrounded by ninety seven percent water only which two percent has been explored by the humans, in a system of unknown. This unknown is what the narrator is getting at in the entire context of the novel. No matter how much research can be conducted on the solar system, or to whatever extensions we can try to make in order to understand the depths of the ocean that go miles deep into the earth, it is impossible to know it all. So our frail minds, bodies, and souls, have to embrace this fact in order to truly live and see past the definitions that we quickly look to make.

“You were driving but I was lost in my own navigation”(17).

Driving. Typically thought of as the verb of operating a motor vehicle. The physical act requires getting into the car, taking safety precautions if you choose to do so, putting the key in ignition, turning the key as the car purrs to life, and finally in that moment of switching gears is it time to “drive”.

Add another life into the passenger seat and the navigator is now responsible for not one, but two lives in this man made box that operates so well on wheels. Although the habitual routine becomes something like a second nature, the consideration of the possible risks may lose some of their significance. Whether it be wearing a seatbelt, speeding, or simply the conditions in which you are driving can become increasing more difficult without much precaution. Metaphorically, a passenger that is stepping into the car is somewhat like stepping into a new relationship, letting someone else take the wheel. While you and the driver might not think of the dangers, the destination is the next step to consider while finding a newfound love.

While I am someone who is one terrified of dying in a car accident and two, had a very hard time expanding my emotional capacity beyond a four year old when it comes to relationships, I can see how the narrator becomes “lost in their navigation”. Not knowing the place you’ll find yourself with someone by your side. The one who holds your life in motored vehicle is also the one who can lead its emotional course as well. Sitting there in a passenger seat it’s easy to find yourself half in reality and between the worlds of your own fantasies. Stepping into a relationship is like handing over the keys and the destination as well to your partner. While your partner will not intentionally crash the car to make sure you burn into a thousand pieces (and if they are then it’s too late I guess) accidents are bound to happen sometimes and neither party can do much about it. The unknown is the scariest part and I think the emotional leap the narrator takes is what I find as scary as the car accident.