Author: horsegirl59

Wow. Just wow. After reading only the fourth page of Carson’s prose, that was all I could think. I am amazed by the way in which she paints such a clear picture of how Geryon experiences childhood, as it is so visceral I feel as though I am going through it myself. From the soft question for his mother “What does each mean?” (Carson 11, l. 11), to “he spelled it at school on the blackboard” (l. 16), she builds a child’s world that almost anyone can easily imagine. And yet, there is room for difference, even divergence in this passage, as the lyric poetry so often focuses on.

In the first half of the page, Carson describes the fact that Geryon does not only read or hear the word “each” but he actually sees and feels it. As we discussed in class, this condition, which is called synesthesia, allows a person to hear colors. Carson beautifully puts this neurodivergent aspect of Geryon to work here, by writing “the word each blew towards him and came apart on the wind” (l. 5). I especially love this passage because while I was reading it I felt a chill run up my own spine, as if I was experiencing the word along with Geryon. and THAT is why I find Carson’s poetry even more visceral than any of the others that I have read. She not only paints the picture but paints it so vividly that I can feel it in my very being.

When she writes, further down the page, about the situation by which Geryon came to live in his brother’s room, she describes it exactly the way a child might, if that child saw through images rather than mere description. This intersection of simplicity and difference is what makes her language here so impactful. “The doctors put her together again with a big pin” (L 21-22). She shows so much, and tells so little. And that, my friends, is the beauty of Carson.

“’Well, see you around, I guess.’ The wind tumbled an empty feed bag down the street until it fetched up under his truck. ‘Right,’ said Jack, and they shook hands, hit each other on the shoulder, then there was forty feet of distance between them and nothing to do but drive away in opposite directions. Within a mile Ennis felt like someone was pulling his guts out hand over hand a yard at a time. He stopped at the side of the road and, in the whirling new snow, tried to puke but nothing came up. He felt about as bad as he ever had and it took a long time for the feeling to wear off” (Prouix 18).

In this passage, Jack and Ennis are about to go their separate ways after giving in to their sexual feelings towards one another. The situation is a bit awkward because they never know if they are going to see one another again, and neither is willing to acknowledge that they want to. They clearly have not admitted to themselves that there is anything more going on than purely physical attraction, but this passage highlights the moment where Ennis’ body betrays his feelings. The situation that Proulx is describing is relatable to those who have had intense romantic feelings for someone. The nausea that Ennis is experiencing is a physical representation of his conflicting emotions. He wants to stay with Jack and not drive away, although neither of them will admit it. He also knows that it is incredibly dangerous for them to be together because of the homophobia in their community. Hence, he feels as though he is being turned inside out, like “someone was pulling his guts out hand over hand a yard at a time”. It’s a heartbreaking feeling that Proulx expresses simply and eloquently.

These words also serve to draw the reader in and wonder what will become of Jack and Ennis’ relationship. I think that this passage is one of the most meaningful in the story, because of how visceral it is. I can relate to the intensity of the emotion, even though I do not identify with the characters, which made the story all the more interesting from there on out. The awkwardness between the two characters was particularly compelling, and their curt handshake after sharing such intimacy drove home the point that they are conflicted.

Proulx uses such plain language but still manages to gut the reader when she needs to. Her masterful use of sparse dialogue in this case helped me understand how devastating the situation is for these two men. Because they cannot express their true emotions or talk in-depth about their relationship, the goodbye is incredibly unemotional on the surface level but harbors some depth when put in context with the rest of the story.

Proulx’s expert use of dialogue and plain language allows the reader to begin to understand the full scope of Jack and Ennis’ emotions surrounding their new relationship. As a reader, I truly felt for Ennis in this moment, and I could easily relate to his physical emotional response as I too have had my heart broken before. Even without specific confirmation of their deep emotional bond, the two of them manage to break the reader’s heart all over again in this passage.

“Dresses. Make-up. High heels. Perfume. I tried wearing the skirts
my mother sewed for me. She urged me into Girl Scouts, slumber
parties, the 4-H knitting and sewing clubs. I failed, not wanting
any part of these activities. I loved my work boots and overalls long
after all the other girls had discovered pantyhose and mini-skirts.
But failing left a hole in my heart; I wanted to belong somewhere.” (Clare 144).

In this paragraph, Eli Clare makes it clear how out of place he felt as a child, without the language to express his identity. As a teenager myself, I understand the desperate need to fit in. It can be scary to live in a world where you feel you do not fit, it can make you feel naked and exposed. As someone who endured abuse his entire life, it makes sense that Clare would want something to protect him, even if that means he would not get to be his true self. All of these activities are known to be feminine, and therefore Clare feels himself repelling away from them. He has an inclination from an early age that he is not feminine, but he does not yet have the vocabulary to express this. As he grows up, he will begin to realize his identity, but in the meantime he feels trapped. The listing of these activities gives the impression that he was faced with an onslaught of them in his childhood. He asserts that he knew that he loved dress that is considered more masculine, even when he was pushed by society to wear pantyhose and mini-skirts. It shows strength of character that Clare had the courage to question the norms that were forced on him.
It is saddening that he felt that by not going along with these norms he was failing, when he was really just trying to express himself. Many have likely felt like that, unable to truly be themselves for fear of not being accepted. Millions of adolescents have likely felt the same way, desperate for some semblance of belonging in a world that rejects their true selves. He was no doubt longing for the acceptance of his mother, who was emotionally absent from his life for so long. Even though she stood by while he was abused, he still wants to gain her affection just like any child would. This particular paragraph contributes to the entire essay by setting up how Clare felt about his gender expression at an early age. His need for belonging prevented him from originally finding his true identity, but the rest of the essay puts this in context. Finding belonging is a lifelong journey of Clare’s, and this paragraph helps to set up that journey.

On page 36, Winterson depicts the main character eating with Louise, the married woman that they have fallen in love with. They are eating soup that Louise has made, and it is in this moment that the narrator finds themself overcome by lust for her. Winterson writes “When she lifted the soup spoon to her lips how I longed to be that innocent piece of stainless steel” (36). By thinking this, the narrator is showing the reader that they long to be closer to Louise by any means possible. They know that Louise is married and shares certain intimacies of her life with her husband, which the narrator is not privy to. By wishing to be the soup spoon, they wish to assume a role of importance in her life as well as share an erotic experience with her. They are demonstrating that they find Louise so attractive that even something as “innocent” as a soup spoon can become sexual in her hands.  

This passage relates to the rest of the novel so far because it shows how the narrator’s sexuality and lust play a role in their decision-making. Shortly after this passage, the narrator realizes that the clock is ticking on their comfortable relationship with Jacqueline, and it won’t be long before they leave her for Louise. Clearly, the narrator cannot keep themselves from Louise, as they find every part of her attractive, even the way she eats. Therefore, they are willing to trade in comfort and contentment for instability and excessive lust with a married woman. In the next sentence, Winterson writes “I would gladly have traded the blood in my body for half a pint of vegetable stock” (36). This statement indicates that the main character would do anything for Louise and is desperate to be a part of her life in some regard. That desperation is what fuels the beginning of their relationship, and even the bulk of it to follow. Not all of it is driven by lust, but that is what pushes the narrator to end their relationship with Jacqueline and take up with Louise full-time.