The last paragraph of Eli Clare’s “Stones in my pockets, stones in my heart” is beautiful. The author presents language regarding acceptance, not only of one’s own differences but how those aspects of identity unite members of the broader Queer Community. Clare begins by saying he will be sitting on a wall with his legs dangling over big smooth stones. How he will be sitting with a variety of different groups who identify as Queer (159). The focus of the paragraph on the stores that evolve for their queerness rather than their identity itself:
“Laugh and cry and tell stories. Sad stories about bodies stolen, bodies no longer here. Enraging stories about false images, devastating lies, untold violence. Bold, brash stories about reclaiming our bodies and changing the world” (159-160).
Clare chooses to begin each of these sentences with words that define the feelings of the stories. They are allowed to be happy, sad, or enraging. In this, the author presents us with a range of tales about identity. Clare understands, and tells the reader, that to understand one’s identity all different kinds of emotions must be acknowledged. Rather than only giving credence to the happy stories, to the moments of queer joy, Eli Clare chooses to tell all the stories about the process of understanding his identity, and by extension invites the reader to do the same.
The author also legitimizes a range of acceptable responses. Clare and his group of storytellers are going to both laugh and cry. The latter being an emotional response that is typically considered socially unacceptable, especially among men. Thus, he further defies heteronormative gender roles.
By putting the actions “laugh”, “cry”, and “tell stories” together in the same sentence with the word “and” in between each Clare allows them to exist both together, and as their own perfectly acceptable possibilities. Clare and his people are not only going to laugh, cry, and tell stories but also laugh and cry while telling stories. Clare opens space for all of these vulnerabilities to exist together and separately.
Perhaps the reader and our class should consider this queer joy. It is the ability to be oneself without care for social stigma and expectations.
I fully agree with your sentiment of Clare making a seat for everyone at the table, and does so with open arms. The vulnerability you talk about, is definitely a powerful tool and I think it allows a lot of the deeper self to come through underneath all the layers. I also didn’t perceive this initially as a calling for men to embrace their emotions, but I think it important that the constructs and conditions we have placed for men to react or behave in society could be leveled out. Something that I find interesting is this ability to have joy is also fundamentally born out of fear and sadness, so how can we acknowledge stigma without giving it power?
I think your description of queer joy as “the ability to be oneself without care for social stigma and expectations” is a beautiful view on it. Queer people, like people that belong to other marginalized groups, are frequently stigmatized for this aspect of their identity. By letting the expectations of society bounce off us and strengthen ourselves in our queer community, we can embrace this queer joy and free ourselves from the constraints that constricted us. Also the permission that seemingly incompatible emotions like laugh and cry can exist simultaneously is a powerful aspect of queer joy.
I love this reading on queer joy. I wonder if we can also expand this to encompass language as well, given that a couple of others (myself included) have talked about how language is simultaneously useful and hurtful to those in the queer community. With this reading, the possibly of two juxtaposed realities to exist can be true, happy or sad. This reminds me of quantum mechanics in high school, and how many students couldn’t comprehend the concept. Even today, the idea of the multiverse is incredibly scary, it is comforting to know that somewhere everyone has a rock ledge to dangle their feet from, free to laugh or cry.
Your favorite crime,
Jay Walker