Baby Jesus M.I.A?!?!?!

So I had an interesting Holiday season. It was jam-packed with family, amazing food, booze and trying to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend before I don’t see him for 4 & 1/2 months. Oh and someone stole my parents baby Jesus.


See, every year my parents put up this really nice nativity on our front lawn. I’m talking realistic figures…Mary, Joseph, even farm animals, the whole sha-bang. Including a wooden nativity structure that was originally supposed to be a dog house but my brother gave up halfway through construction.

Now, my parents don’t put out the very realistic football sized baby Jesus until Christmas because technically that’s his birthday. four days go by, FOUR DAYS, and then poof Jesus has vanished, he left as quickly as he arrived.

My mother thinks he got up and left because my family and I were playing Cards Against Humanity on Christmas (if you don’t know what that game is, here is an explanation) and Jesus heard the cards we played, got up and ran away from our house as fast as possible. I think it was those middle school punks that live in my neighborhood. two years ago they took my neighbor’s reindeer and put them in very…um promiscuous positions.

Anyway, two days pass and Jesus was still nowhere to be found. My brother suggested my dad file a police report because you can’t just buy another baby Jesus, it’s not like Walmart the day after Christmas where you can buy ornaments and candy half-off. They don’t have bargain bins for baby Jesus “Christ belated-birthday discount: 60% off!” He’d have to buy a whole new nativity scene ad they are pricey.

The cop drives over to my house and my dad shows him the nativity and explains how baby Jesus is missing and the cop looks at my dad then asks, “Can you please describe his appearance?”

I wasn’t a witness to this interaction but when my dad told me I lost it! Just the fact that the police had to be informed about a missing baby Jesus, how ridiculous is that?

Over a month later and baby Jesus is still missing but we are keeping our eyes peeled.




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